Christmas Seasooooon….

Phew, quite some time since the last time I came here.

I have only a few minutes left, I need to go to bed soon. Quite a lot of things happening these days. Grace is in Hongkong, Macau and China. I have no idea where she is now, I cannot contact her. The last time  got news from her was when she was in HK. Hopefully she’s fine. She’s travelling with her mother. The situation in office is getting better now. Somehow in the last few weeks, I learned quite a lot, and that is amazing. Maybe I will talk about that later on, but it is a good news for me, although I do not have more money but at least I get more experience.

Today is one day before our Christmas performance for Christmas@Orchard. Again, like what we had last year. Phew… last practice was done, and I am expecting something great tomorrow. Thus I’ve got to sleep well today, then I can wake up tomorrow, go to work early and leave early. Pretty amazing. I got to sing 3 songs and play guitar for the other 4 songs. Looking back, pretty amazing how far has I gone. I still have the dream, I still have the spirit and I am walking that way. My Vocal lesson is undoubtedly helping me out this time. I will only get better in this. A lot more to learn, a lot more to pursue. It’s been long that I sit down in my room and try to think about melody and lyrics. I think it is time for that, to do what I created for. I have been busy working with my vocal.

Tomorrow, Christmas@Orchard, Paragon and Tangs, 20 Dec, same 2 places. 24 Dec, Christmas service opening, Acoustic. Some more practices… a new chance to stretch my wing. And I thank God for everything.

Got to go now. Will write again tomorrow.

Below is my prayer, in a different way, when I was in between interviews. It was my desperation cry to God, my letter to God. I know He read that =)

Stepping Stone

Back here again. Just back not so long ago. I went to make some cards to support Operation Smile.

This Saturday I will be leading worship in the last service of the year. It’s going to be quite fun I guess. I really enjoyed last week’s session in TRC. Somehow it was amazing. My heart burst in worship, cried to the Throne of God. I was really fired up. I was really thankful of whatever I was. At that time, Philip overslept. I held my Taylor. It was just amazing.

On the next morning on Sunday I will talk in the service, the first time in my whole life. Talking to the people in a service, TRC, and English. Well, it is going to be an amazing experience, I believe. I had been thinking of the topic, “Wing of Eternity”, something that I brought in FA a long time ago. I could not even remember when.

About the company that I am in now, I may not be staying here for long. I talked to Angie, Cipto, Richard and others about any vacancy that I can have. I need to hike my salary as soon as possible. I have been saying about being settled, being developed, being stable. And I am getting nervous because of my age. I am going to be 27 soon. I cannot believe that. I just cannot. I hope that I really can start something on my own, do something greater than myself. I need capital, thus I need a hike in my salary. I need to invest now, I need more. I am thinking of a few alternatives. The first one that I have, getting a website for paintings, and trade that around the world, stumbling stone: I still owe something for Om Djohan for the inventory list. Using my voice, singing? I do not have enough song vocabulary. That is the problem. God, help me.

One thing I will remember, ask God what He wants me to do. I can plan anything, I can do everything, I can pour my sweat and blood for anything, but it is God who gives.

Without God:

Ecclesiastes 2:17: So I hated life, because what is done under the sun was grievous to me; for all is vanity and a striving after the wind and a feeding on it.

The stone I am standing on is a stepping stone, one step closer to what I have to be.

I am building my kingdom on the solid rock, my Salvation, my Strength, my Lord.

to Samuel, my good friend, who is missing (part 2)

Back to this…

It was a few years back when I was in NTU, and I went back to Lampung. My house was in the midst of heavy renovation and there were a lot of people working in the house. I met Samuel, he went to my house. By that time, a lot of people had been talking about him, what he had become. That his mind was not straight anymore. I knew that, but I went to meet him. Regardless all these, he was my friend, so I went to meet him. I realised myself at that time that the way he talked, the way he behaved was not right. He boasted, he told stories of he doing things, and such. I remember that he brought a toy hand phone, and told me that he got that from somewhere. He boasted for what the phone can do.  

I could not remember what was the reason, he went to borrow a motor bike from a neighbour, and gone for a few hours. At the afternoon he was back. He talked about the journey he had today, how he rode the bike, how he do something like people in the race can do, and many other things. My neighbour later complaint that some parts of the bike was changed, for some reasons.

At the end of the day, he went back, and that was the last time that I saw him. Until the next time that I could not find him. The next thing I knew is that he is missing.

Somebody who was so strong, somebody who had been able to withstand so much, he broke down, and gone. I was so sad in the heart when I talked to him the last time. Where are you now? Are you still alive? What are you doing now?

I won’t know, maybe. I just pray…

to Samuel, my good friend, who is missing (part 1)

I dedicate this post to my very first best friend Samuel. He is missing, no body that I know, knows where he is now.

It all started when I was in my secondary school. SMP Kotagajah, Central Lampung. The name of the town literally means the City of Elephant. Although there is no elephant at all at that place. The nearest elephant can be found around 60km away from there. It is the place where my father taught Biology. So, he was my father and later my teacher during my final year. I had a few friends there. Not so many. I was kind of a quiet guy. I could not talk, could not express myself, so introvert. I was a kind of guy who will go by the line. I will go back home after school. I did not even go to any extra classes at the afternoon like my other friends. Some took English, or any other subjects, but it was just not me. I did not join the band, I did not sing, I did not play sports. What I did was, Monday to Saturday went to school, more often than not, with my father, riding his old motorbike, and back to home from school also with him.

It was mid 1994 when I rode motorbike with my dad, and he stopped in one of the church elder’s house in Kotagajah. That’s the first time that I saw a girl. My heart stopped for a moment when I saw her, maybe. I had never saw a girl like her.  At that time, because we were so new to the secondary school, we were still wearing our primary school uniform. White and Red, it was. She was the girl with the long hair, braided hair to the two sides of her head. That was the beginning my love. Her name was Mia. She was the grand children of the elder, moved from Bali to Kotagajah, for some reason. Her dad was a pastor. She was half Balinese and half Javanese. This was also the beginning of my inspiration to sing. She was my inspiration, my first vocal teacher. Maybe some other time I will write more detail about her.

There were other guys that are quite close to me too. They are my classmates during the 3 years of study. One of them was Samuel. He was a simple guy, a bit crazy. He stayed at the back of a church, near our school. GPPS Kotagajah. Gereja Pentakosta Pusat Surabaya. The congregation was only his family, mainly. They have service every Thursday, not in Sunday, because that is the only time when the pastor from Metro, can come. Every Sunday, Samuel will go to Metro, around 45 minutes journey from Kotagajah, and stay there the whole day. He played guitar, acoustic, and others, I think. I still remember that the pastor has a daughter named Vera, she played violin. I once went to that place and met her.

He taught me about God. He was my first guitar teacher. I remember that day when he introduced me that as a Christian, we have what is called the Holy Spirit and it is real. It is working and moving in our lives. I went to his place and together with another friend named Hendra, we prayed together. I remember the song, “kurasakan, kasihMu Tuhan, kurasakan kuasaMu Tuhan… kurasakan kasih kuasa Roh Kudus, kurasakan kehadiranMu”. And we began to worship. That is the first time that I know that God is real. He introduced me to the love of God, although I had been a Christian since I was born, that was the first time that I really feel that.

To be continued.

between now and 15 years ago

today, i somehow remember the people in my past, in lampung, my secondary school friends. what kind of life that they are having now? I remember there was cipta, a brilliant girl, her sister, who is also smart, pramono, ari, and those that I cannot remember the name. I think most of them are married by now. They will be living in that place, where we all grew up together, a place named kotagajah and its surrounding. I want to go back one day, just to look around things that I left out. have a chat with them, what have been happening in the last 12 years since I left that place. I lost my good friend, samuel, someone who brought me to know God, to experience the relationship.

Some time ago, I went back to kotagajah and tried to look for him. He stayed in a small church. what I found was a different family staying there. I talked to a man staying there. he told me about the sad story about my friend. samuel was literally mad. he was so disturbed because his family did not have the fund for him to continue his study.his mom and grandmom were selling fruits between public buses. pedagang asongan, that’s it. I heard that one of the pastor wanted him to study theology that he didn’t want. At the end, he was literally crazy that he had to locked in the house. It all started with the way he talked to everyone. He said that he was a very smart student, even he can be better than me if he wanted to. Then he started to cheat people, and I had no idea what happened next. He was once chained at home. Then at the other time went up to the ceiling of the church where he was staying, and I did not know what else. The thing that I knew was he was not there, not in that church anymore. I asked the man staying there, he said, maybe you can ask one of the neighbor.

I went to a guy repairing his car at the neighborhood, I asked about samuel’s family. the news that I got was heartbreaking. The grandmom passed away, samuel was missing, no body knows where was he, the mom, uncle and brother went back to surabaya.

wherever you are samuel, i pray for your best now…

One of these days

It is just another day. When I am lying down on my bed. Thinking about so much things that I do not want to do anything.

I called Grace just now, she’s busy with the preparation for tomorrow’s classes. Too many things to prepare. I wish that I can still that time, when we talk for hours, talking about anything in our world, from movies to chicken passing by, from how life is going on, to how weird some people are. I remember how we can talk for 4 hours straight, something that amazed me so much. It’s been 2 years now. So many things that will leave me so sad. I miss those times.

Now, I cannot imagine myself without her. It has been an amazing two years. I learned a lot, I grow so much. She’s just one of the greatest thing that can happen to me.

Well, fact will still be fact. Wall is still hard to break. Reality is always hard to accept. And Life must go on.

not by might, not by power, but by the Spirit of the Lord

it is love
it is life
there is hope
there is light

fatigue comes
tiredness grows
head spins
heart abashed

there is still love
in this fragmented life
changed heart
renewed mind

not by might, not by power, but by the Spirit of the Lord

a beautiful morning breeze

I woke up this morning while Sam preparing his things to go back to Indonesia. It was raining outside and I felt so warm in my blanket. I did not want to step out of my bed. I woke up, prayed for Sam for a while and sent him to MRT. A very fast week for me. Not so many things done with him.
I went to AMK for a haircut. It was quite cold outside. I had my haircut for 6 dollars and ehmm, requested for a wash, too, for 8 dollars. Well, it was a cheap place to do that, but somehow I enjoyed that very much. I felt that it is so comfortable. And I almost fell asleep when my hair was washed.

What a wonderful life!

another 1st day

Weww… I wrote this but all was gone in a single click.
I cannot believe it, it is my 1st day again in a new company. A new challenge, a new environment and new things to learn. project team leader. that’s it.
Campuran antara director yg calm, project manager yg lebih menyeramkan, orang IT dari filipin yg diam, dan project team lead yang ga jelas jg. well, I am surrounded by them. a bit hard to write this thing down now. I will write again when I am home. =)

I thank God for this, and for the new things coming my way. I received msg from my dad this morning, I really love these words from him: “Gusti tansah ngayomi lam mberkahi kowe ing sawaktu waktu”

It is Finished

It is a fine day, today. It is a public holiday.
I woke up with some phone calls from people wanting me to wake up.
Today was ended with the time when I sit in Dasu’s car, with him beside me and Bombie behind. Dasu was calling his girlfriend and Bombie was half asleep, by the way, so I did not talk to them. Suddenly something flashed in my mind. It was like missing a lot of things in my life. The things that could happen differently from what I am currently have now. Tomorrow is my day 0 with a new company, simplesolution, a part of mobiletaipan group. I will need to discuss the terms to work in the company. It is a new challenge for me. From the title, project team leader, it does say something about the job. I will be the person between the stakeholder and the developer of mobile and web based applications. I am to translate requirements from the stakeholders to something that the developers will do. Quite interesting huh? I will be more independent, with ideas, new innovations, and business oriented thought. How things can be sold, if it is done this way or another.
The difference. This company is a local company, not so many people in Singapore. The developers are in Vietnam. We are in Singapore. Well, the challenge that I will be in a new place, uncharted waters for me. Leading a team is something new for me in the corporate world, even with my 3.5 years experience. The expectations are different. In a big company, I can be hiding, not making so much noise and get everything that I want. In a smaller company, it is do or die. The spotlight is directly to where I am standing. What I am doing is so meaningful, for doing or dying. That is the part to the training that I must have? Knowing exactly what to do!.
Before I close my eyes tonight, I just want to be so thankful of everything that I have been through in the last 7 long months. I might not be learning or earning something professionally but I learned a lot personally, to be a better person, to be a better Christian Kwartila Candra, and more mature. I will stand up for the challenge. This is the road that I will walk in. The Favour of God is upon me and I will succeed in everything that I am doing.
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